FUCK Hattiesburg

Thursday, February 02, 2006
FUCK Hattiesburg
Have you ever had a person in your life who no matter what was going on ALWAYS got you in some shit. I have six of them; Tony, LA, RobMac, Tim, Lanier, but the one who always takes the cake Z. Yes Z is a dude I met when I was a freshman at Mississippi State and probably the reason I was asked by the dean of students to continue my matriculation somewhere else. Z is that person that makes everything he does seem more fun than anything you have ever done, and besides Tony has the biggest Fuck it attitude that I have ever encountered. You see I was not always the man you have grown to love, lust after, warn your friends that I am no good just so I can fuck you at a rest stop in Byron, Mississippi. No, I use to be quite an innocent kid (by today's standards anyway) I was once only a dude that liked kung fu movies and smoking weed but then I met Z. And this is one of the times Z took me to Heavens Door but I ended up sitting in Hell calling strangers to come save me. Mississippi State University (www.msstate.edu) is located in Starksville, MS and if it were not for the college that shit would only have dirt roads. Now you can have some great times at State and I have, but the best thing about going to school there or anywhere is going out of town and telling people that you are from somewhere else. Z is from the Gulf Coast that means he knows allot of people that attend school in that region of the state, and at the time one of the largest events at a school called University of Southern Mississippi (USM)(www.usm.edu) is Que-Delta Weekend. Now you have to understand this because I know there are people that read this that are not from the south and not African American. Fraternities in the south are HUGE, it is really crazy to see how many people go crazy to kick it at their parties. It is like all these people are signed to the greatest rap label and to not to be there places the biggest you aint shit sign in the world on you. Okay Z has two buddies throwing a party at this Hotel in Hattiesburg lets call them (Ant&Andy) (Hattiesburg is where USM is located) He tells me and his homeboy Don that "We have to go to this party" and then the one line that has gotten me into trouble my entire life "THERE WILL BE SO MANY BITCHES" So I tell Z that I don't know any of them mothafuckers and, well first let me backtrack you have to know how Z and I met.
My first weekend at Mississippi State I was talking to this chic that was fine as fuck she had a I run track body and her skin was this beautiful brown and I can still see how her ass was sticking out of that fucking tennis skirt. I think she is a preacher now guess all that ass she gave up in college made her call for God till he answered. Anyway and this is common in most college towns you have the locals, and locals go one of three ways: they are cool as fuck and you love to kick it with them, They don't give a fuck one way or another because they know we are really just visiting, or you have the haters who hate all the dudes but want to fuck all the girls that go to the college. Well the night I was talking to this chic a group of 'haters' came up talking that blah blah bullshit. Now by no means am I a gangster, BUT, I always, at any time, at my grandmothers funeral, will fucking fight till somebody takes me to jail I really have issues with people who feel they can disrespect me. I don't care if I lose but if I lose bad enough I am coming looking for yo ass. Anyway words get exchanged there are a few pushes here and there and one of the locals says he is going to the car. Now where I'm from if someone goes to the car, they are not going to turn down the radio so we can talk about things without the extra noise. They are going to get tools that issue death to muthafuckas. Okay now I said fuck it, and you have to realize I am really wanting to fuck this chick. Remember it is the 1st weekend after the dorms open so there are really no people there so the few dudes that were there were grabbing me and pushing me back to the dorm. The chic was with us so I am sure now that I am gonna fuck (Gotta keep yo eyez on the prize) anyway since it was so much pushing and people talking crazy shit somebody called the campus police. The cops questioned me for a long ass time, long enough for some other muthafucka to play tennis that night(shit). They asked me what happened I said that me and the dudes just exchanged words it wasn't shit. They knew I was lying but I didn't tell them shit, only time you should trust the police is when they are off duty at strip clubs. The following Monday I was sitting on the steps of the union (my second dorm room) and this black ass dude walked up and said "Ay you Breezy" I said yeah he said I heard about that shit you got into with them local bitches man I had the same shit happen to me. Faggots fucked up some pussy I was working on, where you from. I said South Mississippi near Louisiana small town called Centreville. He said I'm from the coast (also south Mississippi but on the east side) Hey cuz you ever need anything my name is Z. Z-What you doing? Breezy-Looking for this class, Z- Its the first week nobody goes to class man lets go get on some hoes I'll just tell them you are my cousin, and you'll be on. Breezy-well it’s like my first week but ....... okay fuck it. Now Z tells me that look they are having a party in a hotel and they have a room already for us all we gotta do is get there a couple hours on the road and have a fantastic weekend after that we can come back no problem, (DUDE THERE WILL BE SO MANY BITCHES) So I say what the fuck pack a bag jump in the car with Don and Z. We drinking all the way down the fucking highway(I don't advise you do that by the way) we smoking weed(Now if you are a few years from getting a real job this is the way to go) And we get there the afternoon before the party started. Now Z is one of the few people I have met in my life that really if you are a attractive woman and you let him talk to you long enought he is gonna fuck you, no question. I put that on my momma. Don is also a pimp with the drunken word. We get there check in and already there are bitches all over the place walking in the lobby outside walking in the parking lot if there was a ratio it had to be like 20 to one women over men. It was like all the females in the entire south came that year and all the dudes didn't think it was worth the drive. I met the dudes throwing the party and they were cool, from there we went to our room and got geared up. Now normally when you get to a spot too early there are maybe a few people there, we were at the party at 8 and it was packed, by 9:30 you could not walk through the crowd. There were so many people that if you went to the bar to stand up you would have been crushed. I have never seen so many people fill up a space sooooooooo fast. I mean have you ever been at a party and you know if you don't talk to this person right now you know you are not going to see them again. I really was having trouble taking it all in, There were so many beautiful women, I mean you saw them everywhere you looked. If God lets you pick what you want heaven to look like and he gives you a little example to choose from Every-MAN would pick this. I saw women that could have easily been put on the cover of any magazine in the world. And to make the party that much better they had an open bar and everybody was having a good time. There are times when you have some of the elements but not all of them, you know this is right but this is wrong, or only if we had better drinks or if the people were cool. NO BUDDY, EVERYTHING was beautiful. If you were there you had a fantastic time. Girls were dancing with girls the few dudes that were there had two and three women on them at a time it was amazing.Then the bullshit started, the owners of the hotel got upset that they were not getting a piece of the door they were paid for the ballroom but they had no idea that this many people would be there. So they called the police and the fire department. No big deal Me, Z, and Don hook up and we tell each other just try to get a couple of girls back to the room so we can kick it they don't have to even move their cars. So we went up to hottest chics at the party that seems to be looking for something else to do. The only rule was if you bought someone ugly to the spot you had to fuck with them. AND if they were fucking up the mood you had to leave with them. Well I know as the police were hurrying people out of the ballroom I had to approach different girls with the very same line "Hey me and some friends got a room here in the hotel why don't you stop bye and kick it for a sec we got some bottles just gonna chill for a min" sounds like shit right well it cant be later than midnight and allot of people paid to get in and they want something to do and it also don't hurt that I am cute so fuck it. So after I know I have done my numbers I am walking back to the room. I see people walking everywhere and sirens going off but I don't see anyone outside the door and then Z walks out looking like he won the lottery. I asked him what's up he says “look in there”. Now I can say the best thing I have ever seen in my life is my son's smile. But up until I saw that smile it was the double room where me and two of my padnahs had talked 25-30 girls back to our room. And not one of them was under a dime piece. That's right bitches, A room full of Jay-Z video quality women and all of them are sitting there looking at me like yeah we are gonna fuck you too and Don had a smile on his face that I still think is there. It was too much to take in at one time but if I would have known then what I know now I would have locked the door and had the greatest experience of my fucking life. But I had to walk outside to absorb it for a moment and when I did I saw the hotel manager and three police officers walking from door to door and they were making everybody get out and when they got to our door and opened it (yeah I tried to stop them)The hotel manager lost his fucking mind and told us to get out. Now what we should have done at this point was say fine and just go get another room we would have lost a few but shit all I really neeeded was one chick per dude. But we didn't instead we told him to give us our money back, he said no Don got real heated (Don is a street dude you are not going to punk him and he really don't give a shit you got the Jake with you) Don Looked like he was going to grab the manager two cops put him down and washed that boy ass in mase. They threw him on the concrete and it really looked like it hurt so I tried to get in the middle of the shit. I met up with the same fate, I didn't get a direct hit of mase but Don had so much on him I could not fucking breath. The last thing I remember from the hotel was three chicks two yellow one light brown standing out side the door looking at me being dragged to the police station. They looked like they were saying awwwwwwww your not gonna get this good pussy that we brought to the club with us. We were in the back of the cop car Don is drunk and he is dying from all that fucking mase and we are right next to each other so the shit is eating me up. I am in familiar territory because lets just say the back of a police car is not a strange place to me. Anyway we get to the station and we are being processed Don is lousing his fucking mind, cause that is some puck ass shit to Niagara Falls a dude with mase like that he wasn't beng a bitch but if you ever been hit with that shit you understand. The cop asked me if I had any alias I said yeah "Steve McQueen". Now I have never been in Hattiesburg before in my life, I don't know anybody that I can call and I only know one dude from Hattiesburg his name is Glen. Me and Glen are cool he lives 2 doors down from me in the dorm we shoot ball together and hang out and wait a min Glen is a Jr. meaning that his father must have the same first name. I look in the phone book for Glen's name and found it. I said I'll call these people and tell them I go to school with their son I came down for the weekend for a party and they will come bail me out. That's what Dr. Huxtable would do right? Well in case you didn't know Glen's last name aint fucking Huxtable. It really late at this point, I call collect of course and his mom answers the phone. I tell her everything that happens from how her son was the 1st dude I met on campus when I moved in my dorm to how I got arrested and why I smell like straight shit. Glen's mom who I'm sure is a wonderful woman said "I can't bail you out because I just spent all my cash on some new furniture." I don't think to this day Glen and I are as cool as we were before I came down for that trip. I don't know if it was a lie or the truth I asked her to forgive me calling so late and hung up the phone. I sit there thinking what the fuck happened? It was like I saw the promise land and now I am not sure if I am going to have to call my fucking mom to get somebody she knows to get me the fuck outta here. There was a dude in the cell with us he said his cousin played for the Mississippi State University Football team. I asked if he knew anyone who would get us out. He said nah because they won't even come get him out. I told him quit talking to me. So there Don and I sat, I don't know how long we were there but Don went from being drunk with mase in his eyes to sober and seeing without any problems. Z found someone to bail us out he got a dopeboy he was cool with to call a bailbondsman and put up the cash for us. He said it took so long because he couldn't remember my last name I still think about that shit you don't know my fucking last name and you tell every hoe that asks who I am that we are cousins. I am never going out of town if my boy Tony aint there, Tony is the kind of nigga that at the very least been in jail with me. I hate Z sometimes but that is my boy if you say something about him Ill piss in your Kool-Aid. Well I don't remember if we stayed till the next morning because I was so fucking mad and tired. On the way home we hardly said anything Z cracked a couple jokes called me and Don convicts. Fuck you Z if I haven't said it lately.. I got to my dorm room and just went to sleep. I went back down there for my court date the judge said all we have is that you were arrested but the record is empty. He told me to pay a fine. I know this is the title but it has to be said Fuck Hattiesburg.