I went to School at Jackson State University. I saw the girl play Rice University last night in The NIT. The girls didn't win but they really played well. I am very proud of them they were playing a school that is suppose to be in a "better" conference and they ran with them. So bless your hearts babies and yall uniforms are the illest shit. Let a player know where he can get some of those shorts. Anyway my Girl ToniH went to Jackson State with me and she is a HR manager in LA. Well she wanted to submit a post, I read it and laughed my ass off, I hope you enjoy it. Also if anyone else wants to send in something I am more than happy to post it fell free to vent. Well enjoy;
As a Human Resources Manager, part of my job is hiring and firing muthafuckas. No matter who you hire…the proof is in the performance.
Under no circumstances am I a micro-manager. I don’t baby-sit mutherfuckas! If your ass is grown, you should be responsible enough to do your damn job without me looking over your shoulder and double-checking your work. I take pride in the fact that I’m cool with every member of my staff. I always have an open door and listening ear for them. They can talk to me about anything and I always do everything within my power to help a muthafucka that has my back. Loyalty is major for me!
Unfortunately for me, there are some grown ass children in the workplace. One example is my last Administrative Assistant. Let’s call her Nikki. Nikki began working for my company in October 2005. I liked her from jump…the bitch was on time for her interview (most black people in L.A. aren’t. They always drop the “traffic” excuse) and she did the research my company, asked all the right questions and gave me all the right fucking answers. Needless to say, her references were impeccable and her background check was clean as a whistle so I hired the bitch.
About 3 months into it, the bullshit begins. Niggas always start fucking up after they pass probation! Nikki started coming in late and always coming up with an excuse to leave early. She started hitting me with the, “I have to pick my little sister up from school because my mom’s outta town.” Ooops, I failed to mention that Nikki is 28 years old and lives with her grandmother, mother and 8 year-old sister…a house full of lonely bitches! Obviously, that opens the door for major character flaws: lack of responsibility, accountability and no fucking integrity. Anyway, after finding out about her living situation and peeping her bullshit excuses I began to see the bitch in a different light. So, some other bullshit occurred and eventually I had to write the bitch up. I gave her a written warning for various issues: punctuality, attendance, dress code and using her muthafucking Sidekick all fucking daylong. By the way, it was my boss (owner of the fucking company that caught her on the Sidekick and told me about it). Now, I always cover my ass so she had received verbal warnings before the write up. Some people can’t take a fucking hint! So, I wrote her up and got on her about her shitty ass performance and told the bitch, in writing, that this was her last chance to get her shit together.
Needless to say…she never got her shit together. She kept coming in late, asking to leave early and playing with her Sidekick. The icing on the cake for me was her blatant exhibit of sheer fucking ignorance. When I say ignorant, I mean fucking STUPID! This bitch went to pick up a birthday caked for an employee and never noticed that the baker spelled the employee’s name wrong. The entire fucking staff is gathered in the conference room to sing Happy Birthday and Nikki brings the cake in, lit candles and all, like she’s proud of the shit…. and the damn employee’s name is misspelled. Ain’t that a bitch! Now, if you pay for and pick up a cake aren’t you going to check that shit to see if it actually what you ordered? You and I would…but not Nikki.
I will leave you with Nikki’s final fuck up. My department conducted a contest for all staff. The contest was: “Take a Guess at Oscar’s Picks”. Basically, our staff had an opportunity to guess who would win an Oscar in each category. So, Monday after the Oscars I gave the Academy Awards Winner’s List and all entry forms to Nikki to score. Simple, right? (See, I was one of those kids who’s teacher let me help her grade other people’s tests so comparing an answers to an individual’s answers comes easy to me…but not Nikki. Sometimes I forget that some people are fucking dumb!) Anyway, the concept seemed simple enough so I thought she could handle it. Monday afternoon we had our very on Oscar party. After all, this is L.A. Once again, all staff is present in our conference room and we’re waiting for our EVP/CFO (owner of the fucking company & my boss) to join us to present the prizes to the three winners. Nikki has in hand the folder containing all entry forms and the movie theater gift cards (the prizes). So, my boss comes in and Nikki gives him the names of the winners and the prizes. Now, my boss is a cool ass, rich Jewish dude and he is also extremely intelligent, sarcastic and funny as hell! Now this dude says, “Hey Nikki, let me see all the entry forms because I wanna know who guessed ‘It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp’ would win an Oscar.” We all start laughing. So, he takes a look and notices that Nikki miss scored two entry forms right off the bat. We all know Crash won Best Picture so why the fuck did Nikki give credit to people who guessed Brokeback Mountain would win? So, he gives the folder back to her dumb ass and says, “Why don’t you go re-score these and get back to me when they’re done right.” Then he looks at me and I can’t have a muthafucka making me look bad! So, I step into my office with dumb ass Nikki and re-score all the entry forms. Damn, I gave the bitch the answers. I didn’t think the task was that fucking hard so I had no reason to double check her work. A few minutes later we re-enter the conference room and I let my boss now what’s up. Nikki fucked up so bad that the original winners didn’t actually win. So, now we have gift cards with the wrong fucking names on them. I had to think quickly on my feet and printed some cute labels to adhere to the gift cards, noting the actual winners. By now, I’m so hot I could cuss this bitch out and fire her in front of everyone. It took every ounce of maturity and professionalism in my body not to go ghetto on that bitch.
Later that day I spoke to my boss about the situation and decided to fire dumb ass Nikki. Of course it was scheduled to go down Friday at 3pm. You know, the usual. Friday comes and Nikki walks into my office at 11:45am and asks if she can leave at 12:30pm. Immediately, I began to laugh and told her to have a seat. I terminated the bitch on the spot. Killer part is she was surprised and had the nerve to cry and ask to keep her job.
I love Human Resources. I get all the gossip, know everyone’s salary, throw all the parties and coordinate every event but most importantly…I get to hire and fire muthafuckas!
©2006 YoungBreezy.com
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