You MiSS ThiS DicK Don't You

This blog is really starting to get a following alot more so than I thought would ever happen. I get people from all over the world that have read it and fucking love it. I get more mail in my inbox when I don’t write a new post than when I do. But the dick enlargement emails don’t ever stop; its good to know someone loves me. As a direct result of this blog I have two friends going through divorces. I got a buddy that said man I read that fucking shit you wrote and now I know that I should just be honest and tell this woman I aint gonna marry her and I am fucking her best friend. (I don’t remember telling him to do that but if that is what he wants shit, bless his heart.) And I get an awful lot of people really fucking up the how to have a great threesome post. But this following story is about my boy LP and his friends.
They are known in a very exclusive circle as The Shit House Players. Apparently when they were all in college together their dorm was a really shitty place but they still managed to fuck everything on they yard, ergo the name. (You like that ergo shit right I hope it was used in the correct context OH SHIT I JUST SAID CONTEXT LOL) I got a call from LP he said come up to the restaurant so we can talk about your new car. He tells me to meet him at this restaurant in Jackson called Shimmels. I walk in and I see he and his wife sitting at the table. Now I have known him since 96 and like it is with most of the people I am really friends with we met and instantly became cool. He and his wife are the nicest people in the world. LP is a good dude, great father and dependable friend Oh yeah also he is a GANGSTA ASS MUTHAFUCKA. And ALL of his best friends are connected.
Now I really can’t be very specific about this story because alot the people that are in some government positions and some of them are married. But I go with LP to the dealership, I sign some paperwork and he says lets take her out on the road and open her up. He told his wife goodbye and we hopped in the car and bounced. He said that it was one of his best friends birthdays today and they were at a steak place having a dinner for him. The hostess walks us through the restaurant then we are lead through the fucking kitchen. I am asking LP what the holy fuck is going on. She led us to a door and through that door sitting around a huge table were the most powerful men in Mississippi. There were people who worked for the governor, high-ranking officials for the JPD and its neighboring RPD (Ridgeland). Also in that room was a flock of super bad hoes that I have never seen, steaks and all types of food everywhere.
I knew some of the guys from the cigar shop and just being around different functions but alot of the guys I have never met before personally. That included LP best friend Soprano. Soprano is a very successful member of the upper elite of Mississippi politics and you will never meet a person who is the embodiment of corporate thug. Very intelligent very well connected on the street and in MS government. And it was his birthday. I took a seat and just watched for a second then the chic that was next to me starting feeding me steak. (This bitch crazy if she thinks I am going to be paying her way through life like these almost rich motherfuckers)
Some waiters came in the room and started taking everyone’s drink order and Soprano yells WAIT, bring in the Tequila. (Okay I know this sounds like a bunch of shit, but I promise that all of this shit happened. I swear to GOD on high, everything I am telling you is the fucking truth; you see I have been in a room full of dope boys, hustles, and fake ass niggas, real ass niggas, of course gaggle of hoes. But I have never been anywhere and saw all these motherfuckers in the same place. I was in a fucking MOB movie. They brought this blue bottle and it was on ice and everyone got a huge shot of this shit and I can’t remember if it was good or bad because they kept bringing in bottles and we kept taking shots. I am so fucked up I cant blink my eyes on the same beat, but I cant stop drinking I’m in the room with fucking sharks. The bottles stop and we all pile in and go from the steak spot to the popular sports bar around the corner. We were in like two Limos and we basically went in the sports bar grabbed a bunch of women and jumped back in the limos. (I remember more than one car but the exact amount of limos I have no fucking idea.
We go to a club, the club that LP is part owner so we get in the VIP route no waiting limos up front. I was talking to some chick and threw up right next to her started talking again like nothing happened (what’s up? Oh that aint shit, what’s up with you after the club) She didn’t like my style; it is impossible for me to give a fuck at this point. In the club I black out, now that doesn’t mean I pass out it only means I don’t remember anything in the club after that. I am conscious walking around as well as possible and molesting every woman I get close enough to grab. LP comes up to me and says okay we got enough for you guys to have a good time I’m out of here go get back in the limo. I walk back to the limo and THEN I pass all the fucking way out. These are the reports I have from there all from different sources. Breeze threw up in the parking lot, on the limo, in the limo, and on a couple of girls. Soprano says hey make sure he gets back to his uncles club because I don’t know where the fuck he lives but don’t let anything happen to him. I get dropped off back at the club its past 2:00 A.M. the people are leaving. I run in and start dancing alone on the stage. I throw up all over the fucking place (just so that you know if you are throwing up already ………don’t dance) The driver doesn’t know that LP has gone home he doesn’t know who the fuck I am so he takes me outside and lays me on the steps of the club. One of the bartenders who is my panda told me he saw me passed out on the stairs to the club, helped me to his car and made me tell him where I lived. He took me home and asked me never to do that much Tequila with only like 6 bites of steak and nothing else again. I said, “Fuck them rednecks” and walked to my apartment.
I woke up on my couch with vomit reeking from my shirt and jeans. Oh I forgot to tell you this I was suppose to be at work exactly 4 minutes AGO. I called my boy Ken, he was my supervisor and told him man I got attacked by my baby mammas cousins; them bitches fucked me up. He said so, bring yo drunk ass to work. I heard about you last night. “SHIT” I replied. It’s summer and there is no bus system near my crib. The Steak house where I left my car was like 2 miles in the direction that I had to go to work so I walked. I got the car, drove to work and while sitting at my desk, I went through still drunk and smelling like alcohol, to hangover cotton mouth and feeling like shit. To being sober and going back out that same night. The Shit House Players, GOD bless them………………….

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