Marc Farts in Public and The Peanut Gallery Needs to Shut the Fuck Up

I just got a call from my boy MarcWill. I need his help on damn near everything creative that I attempt so I had to get permission before I mention his name. Well as of late I have been doing research on different types of meditation. He knew that I was on this shit now and he told me about a Yoga class that was going on near my crib and I should check it out. I thought about it and a lot of the stuff I have been reading in religious text as well as your common self help publication will mention something about the benefits of meditation and Yoga . Worst case scenario I’ll see some sweaty bitches putting their legs behind their head. What is wrong with a man looking at something like that? The experience and what I am getting from it is something that I will discuss at another time. But back to MarcWill he said and I quote “Man I knew that I should not have had that rice an hour before I went” Dear readers if you ever hear someone start a sentence with I knew I should not have….trust me sit it out it’s always a good story.

MarcWill said that he was in a pose that is called I believe is the Cobra Pose. Since he and I have olny attended a combined 5 classes we may be off with the name. That is when you are laying on your stomach and your face is pointed up. This puts a little pressure on the stomach. Well I'm sure that you want the point by now...... in the dead silence calm of this room…MarcWill blew the booty flute. I think he compared it to a cannon….The funny part is he prayed not that no one heard it but to God he asked only that it didn’t stink….LOL That was for you Courtney I hope it made you smile.

Now that is enough of that ass shooter talk, lets move on to more civilized things. Lucky for me, I have a lot of beautiful female friends. I don’t know what it is but I thank God everyday for the ability to make beautiful women feel comfortable around me. If you are also blessed with this gift high five to you baby boy. One of my many female friends is my girl is Lips and Legs she is the one holding the sign on the top of my page that reads “Take Yo Ass To YoungBreezy.com” well she is a college student in B-Ham Alabama and she has taken a part time job at a wonderful establishment called oh what is the name of that place……………………HOOTERS yes that’s it. I knew it had something to do with Owl conservation of some sort, what wonderful wise animals those owls. But she has said that she has been getting a few dirty looks to say the lease. Well she wanted to vent her concerns and bring a few things to light. I present to you

The Peanut Gallery Needs to Shut the Fuck Up

Recently, I took a job at Hooter’s and I decided to come home and do a little research on the internet to find out what I was in store for. I really wanted to know, on average how much money they made so I could start planning a budget. I wanted to know how much the girls who worked there liked it. I personally knew a few girls who worked there and they seemed to always be broke. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t digging myself into a ditch. I also knew several people who worked there who were paying for school with the money they made. I just needed some more facts and opinions.

I was extremely disheartened by how many hating ass females had to throw their two cents in. “Hooters is a step up from being a stripper.” “They’re just escorts who serve chicken wings.” “They’re dumb bimbos who aren’t smart enough to get a real job.” I was highly offended, and shocked by the fact that most of those women who said that were a)fat b) ugly or c) had never set foot inside a Hooter’s restaurant. When I went to fill out my application at the particular Hooters that hired me, I was approached by three very beautiful, very friendly girls. One of whom was on roller skates. I never once looked at their breasts, and I have been known to have bisexual tendencies. They immediately asked me about myself. I told them I was a student and I wanted a stress free, fun, good paying job to help me out while I was in school. They all pretty much said they were students doing the same thing.

While the whole purpose of the organization is to have attractive looking women enhance the overall fun of the restaurant, the suggestion that just because these women don’t mind wearing what they wear makes them bimbos is proposterous. In case you have lived in a cave on the west end of Central Park and haven’t been exposed to society since 1983, the Hooters girl uniform consists of a tight fitting lowcut tank top and orange “daisy duke” athletic shorts. However, any person that doesn’t have cataracts and who has actually been in a Hooter’s restaurant can see immediately that the outfit covers more than a swimsuit that you’ll see on a grotesquely fat woman at any beach. I’ve seen women walking in the mall with less clothing on. The suntan pantyhose that are worn under the shorts are so tight and NOT see through that I’m shocked the blood flow to the legs continues after a long shift. You’re not allowed to show tattoos or piercings, and your image is supposed to be that of a wholesome cheerleader. Last time I watched that cheerleading competition that comes on ESPN I noticed the outfits.....well exactly what outfits because they were so hoochiefied...okay, I’m exaggerating a little, but you get my drift.

I think women who have nothing positive to say about Hooter’s girls are the same women who have to hav e sex with the lights off. They get offended easily when a man gives them a complement. They constantly stress over their love handles and whether or not they are beautiful. They get angry when they catch their boyfriend eyeing another chic. These women lack the self esteem to work at Hooter’s. They lack the personality to make $100-$200 a shift. I feel sorry for them. Having a degree, or a job at a law office, or a job at some posh salon doesn’t mean shit if your personality sucks. And no, anyone can’t prance around in short shorts and flirt with men. Some women lack the tact to know what to say to a man who’s getting rowdy to put him in his place without losing a good tip. I think that takes skill and the ability to control of your emotions.

Being a Hooter’s girl obviously takes confidence. I’m a communications major and I love to talk and flirt with men and women if they want. I also love money and I love good food and sports. So why not work at Hooter’s? I’ve been an assistant manager at a shoe store. Hated it. I’ve worked in customer service on the phones for a bank and absolutely hated waking up each morning. I’ve worked at a car dealership and hated it. As a former model, I’ve decided to start using what God gave me. He gave me a brain, and I’ve used that to earn myself a 3.6 GPA at school and a spot on the Dean’s list. He gave me looks and a sharp personality, so now I’m going to use that to make me some money.

For the women who always have something bad to say about Hooter’s girls, take a second and think before you talk. Have you ever been in a Hooters? Have you seen these girls screw any of their customers? Have you actually seen the uniform up close? What exactly is so bad about working there, or is it that you just lack the balls to do it yourself so you’re going to make yourself find something wrong with it. You know women are funny that way. So I hope females read this, especially the ones who have dogged Hooters’s girls for so long. And I’m not just saying this because I’m about to start working there. Even before I applied or thought about applying, I went to Hooter’s quite a bit and always enjoyed the waitresses and thought they were really fun and had wonderful personalities. Why? Because I’ve never been insecure of myself. Even if I went on a date, I always knew what I had to offer and was never jealous of the girls. Some people just need to grow up and stop being haters.