Spread Your Butt Cheeks

Those are the most chilling words I have ever heard. If you have ever been to jail you know what I am talking about. Okay before I start this story I have to say that certain members of the squad get in a fight. To be fair to everyone I am not going to talk about what led up to this fight but it was a misunderstanding and now everyone understands where money went and everything is cool. Now as hard as this will be to believe I didn’t do anything. I promise, I hardly saw what happened and because of that, things kind of worked out. Ill Pick up this story right after we left the parking lot it was Butch and Sundance (or as you know them Breezy and TonyJ) We were in the Tahoe parked behind a oil changing spot. I said this is some bullshit you know the fucking police are looking for us; we have been back here for like 30 minutes it should be safe to go home. It was dark but the fucking truck was bright red on fucking rims (I hate fucking rims) we turned TWO quick corners and the Jake surrounded us. All I saw was guns and fucking disco lights all over the place. And then goes the regular shit, “Is there a problem officer?” “Son somebody thun beat the GODDAMN SHIT OUT OF A BOY UP HERE AND STOLE HIS FUCKING SHIT” Now there was a fight and in this fight allot of things came up missing and honestly on my son, we didn’t take anything. Now I have been arrested for fighting before usually they throw you in jail and depending on how drunk you are they will let you sleep it off, or let you bail out no biggie.
So they take us in at this point TonyJ and I were already descending (we had been kicked out of the MAA apartment complex and we both had lost our jobs behind that bitch so we were already fucked up financially) but at that point we fell into the abyss. We go through booking, and they take us to the cell. I call LA “Hey them people got us, come get me and TonyJ out of jail.” He started laughing and said okay and so we waited…and waited…and waited…and waited. So now the guard comes in and says you boys get prepared to go to the Rankin County Facility. Now we are in a holding facility the worst thing about this place is we got no place to get comfortable, all they have are these hard ass wood benches and it is cold as fuck in here. So I said man let me call LA again so we can get the fuck out of here I bet this bastard fell asleep. I called LA and he picked up I said “ Dude what the fuck are you doing come on they are about to take us to Rankin and we have to stay there all night what is the business” LA sounds allot like a sleepy version of ICE CUBE (he is from LA I never said we had good imaginations) he said the following “Man they got yall for strong armed robbery, I asked the lady how much to get yall out she said $15,000 a piece. Breezy…. Breezy I aint got that” I said go back to sleep LA. Now anything with Armed Robbery in the title is not going to go away with an afternoon picking up trash. They take us to Rankin and this boys and girls is the real jail. First you strip and they check, between your toes, under your arm, under you nut sack, and the world famous quote “Turn around and spread your butt cheeks” We were permitted to wear the very latest in ‘You know you done fucked up’ fashions. O and by the way you can’t wear any colored underwear and I had on a pair of blue boxers. SO THEY TOOK THE YOUNG ONES UNMENTIONABLES. So my dick is pressed up against this I guess you have to call it a uniform. I am certain that I am not to first to wear this. I am also certain that I cant be the first to wear colored undies. I will leave you to put 2 and 2 together. Okay the first night we are in the Felony Tank a lovely place, I must say let me describe it for you, there are steel doors and the walls are concrete and it is 5x colder than inside your fucking refrigerator.

From here lets just hit the bullet points:
We are in a concrete room about 25-30 dudes who have all been here a very long time. So long in fact that somebody came back in and the ENTIRE ROOM yelled ‘LOOK WHO BACK IN THIS MOTHAFUCKA” it was like a reunion.
We met Timmy, a huge bastard that was so fucking stupid it was embarrassing to be in the same room with him
The Most Wanted felon in Jackson, MS at the time, the Police went on a helicopter and police car chase for this dude. It was all over the news I think they found him under his sister’s house. He was funny as hell, he kept talking about he was innocent but he taught me how to hotwire a car (remember that shit TonyJ). (That might make a great post)
Timmy at this point started talking about when he got out wait let me give you a direct quote “My Momma Gone get me them Master P shoes” I bullshit you not he talked about them fucking shoes the entire time we were in there.
I fell asleep, and I can’t remember what I was dreaming but when I woke up TonyJ was sitting at my feet he said “yeah bitch you still in here”
At this point I called my uncle because its time to reach out to that greater tax bracket. His wife answered my blood aunt she asked was I fucking crazy. I told her I didn’t think so. My uncle said he was going to see what he could do. (He was like my dad still is)
The next morning came we went before the judge, I said not guilty TonyJ said not guilty and apparently that meant shit because the judge said we will have trial in a few days and sent us back to jail.
Every time we left the jail TonyJ and I were handcuffed together. This starts to get to TonyJ because I can’t stop laughing about the situation (between the onset of bouts with depression)
I get back to the jail and every time we went in or out of the jail we were strip-searched. Now I have NO fucking idea what I did but for some reason this guard told me “WAIT YOU take your jump suit back off “ this is it all the days of fucking someone else’s woman has finally going to get me prison guard fucked.
He said, “You, lift up your nut sack!!!!” I did “ Turn around and spread your cheeks” Now this is getting out of fucking hand.
I look at TonyJ and he is looking at me like what the fuck did you sneak in here. Not a damn thing the guard wanted to see me naked (I hope somebody take his fucking dignity one day)
We drive back to the court TonyJ screams after I tell him that lyrically nobody can touch Willie D. He asked to be handcuffed to someone he doesn’t want to kill.
The charges are dropped because I didn’t have shit to do with the fight. My mother picks us up from jail. I hadn’t showered since I had been there because there was no shower. (Don’t go to jail in Mississippi) But hey I made new friends and I know how to steal 6 different types of cars. Moral of the story don’t get caught. And always make sure that everybody in the family is eating as good as you are.

©2006 YoungBreezy.com